I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
