This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am naked and annoyed.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
