I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
