I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
