I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I supernannyed him into submission
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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