She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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