when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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