Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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