Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We need to rekindle our bromance
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
