Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
