you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
