i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
