So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
