I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
