Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
