Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
