I wanna bring you to show and tell
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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