The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
