Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
