I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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