You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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