In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
