please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
