I looked at my own cervix.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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