My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
