i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
