the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
