Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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