Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
