he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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