the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
