I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
