Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
