I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
