Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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