it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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