I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
