omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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