just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
