Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
