And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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