'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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