Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
