Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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