We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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