Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
