your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
