Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
