Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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