Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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