and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
