im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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