No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
